What Am I Doing With My Life?

There are times when everything in your life seems not to be working out. Times when nothing you touch turns to Gold. And at that point in life, the question “What am I doing with my life?” seems like a tune you can’t get out of your head.

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You start questioning your sanity. Questioning how you made everything go wrong. Questioning God on the fate of your life. Blaming yourself. Blaming everyone else. Blaming the system. Blaming your life’s choices. Choices that seemed right at the time of making. Choices that have now brought you to this predicament. Choices you cannot go back and undo. And the question lingers on: what am I doing with my life?”

“My life” encompasses many things. Could be a job that’s not working for you. You have no idea what the future and your job have in common. You feel stuck. When everyone else seems busy and enjoying themselves in the office, you are busy counting the hours till close of office. You have been applying for a job change but the interview call has not yet come. Did you take up the wrong course in college? maybe. Did you pick the wrong job? Maybe. Do you want a different job from what you wanted some time ago? Maybe. Are you over qualified or less qualified at the job? Maybe. Lots of maybe’s. And the tune haunts you again. What am I doing with my life?

“My life” could be a relationship. A guy/ chick who won’t commit. A relationship that is on and off and basically unpredictable. A cheating spouse. A violent spouse. A man or woman hard to read signals from. A man or woman of the people but never for you. Problems with in laws or friends. And you keep wondering. What am I still doing here? Your mind says, 'you should have quit years ago!'. Your heart says, 'it’s for love. Love conquers everything.' And all of a sudden, you have created another war between your mind and heart. The heart in this case wins all the time but it’s not always the wisest and maybe you should take up the minds idea just this time. And your questions is now your ringtone. What am I doing with my life?

“My life” could be that friend. You know, that friend who always brings you down especially (emphasis on especially) when your moods are soaring high. That friend who doesn’t want you to buy or wear that outfit because you will steal their limelight. That friend who only calls you when everyone else has left them, are busy, or when they need to borrow something. That friend who no longer adds value to your life, only takes it away. That friend you should have broken up with a long time ago but tag along for pity’s sake. And you keep wondering, ‘why do I put up with this shit day in day out? And the raging war that’s not yet cooled off between your heart and mind escalates. And you have a whole verse now but the chorus is still: What am I doing with my life?

Everyone deserves a chance at the Midas Touch, you know, where everything you touch turns to gold. But its seems unreachable. You’ve got the case of the reverse Midas touch and everything you touch turns to junk. You really want everything to work out but it’s not. It’s hard to let go of some things but I think we should allow the mind to make decisions sometimes. Forget “follow your heart” and let the brain do the work. 

History however, has shown that it’s hard to win a war where the heart is involved. That’s because we all want to fit in. We all want to love and feel loved. We all want to feel like our output means something to someone.We all want to appreciate and feel appreciated. We all want to treat and be treated right. And the question is now a whole song. What am I doing with my life?

The sad thing is that you don't have the answer yet.