Hard Sweet Life

Am drowning. I try to stay afloat but I get so weak. I don't know how I got into the water because am not a swimmer. I just found myself deep in the waters and far away from the shore. I tried calling out, but my voice was too weak. Only a deep guttural sound came out. I tried waving, but something was pulling my hands down and they had become too heavy for me to carry. It's melancholic. It's a feeling I cannot even explain to myself. It's a deep feeling of gloom and my whole body is shaking. I can't tend to get out of it easily. My thoughts are jumbled and sometimes no thoughts are there. I get to destinations without having a clue as to how I got there. I am standing outside the grocery store but I noticed no one or nothing on my way. My plate is empty but I cannot describe the taste or smell of the food. I wake up in the middle of the night with tears on my chick but I have no Idea why my dream self is crying. Am reading a book and halfway through I realize I

I would love to carve it on stone so that the whole world knows, but I may get in trouble with the powers that govern the city. I would love it to be flown to you on a plane, coloring the whole sky in beautiful colors, but chartered planes don’t come cheap. I would love to serenade you on the street, at night, with a bunch of mariachi players, but I don’t know where to find them in Kenya. NEMA would probably have a feast with my money too if caught. I would love to send it as a surprise mail to your office, but am not sure how you would react to it. Furthermore, having your workmates relate it to you repeatedly for the rest of your life may not be the best experience. I would love to stand on top of the balcony and shout it out loud, but you and I know the furthest I can shout is the balcony. The people inside the house may not even hear it!  I would love to write it in a beautiful poem and have it published in the dailies, but God knows I am no poet.